This isn't... very, ehh, well, "normal" for this page. I'm not around much, and I sure wish I could be. Wish I could make it to some of the Slams, too. Wish I could do a lot of things.
But, as the Chaos and Anarchy in this Uncontrollable World changes events at random to make things better or worse for a minute and then flow back into a semblance of a "pattern," a good thing or two happened.
My friend Chewy sent back the art I sent her in... October? We exchanged pencils for the other one to ink. After my divorce, I inked the hell out of her drawings, because I had to have something to do. I sent her a much bigger package (heh heh heh... "bigger package"), plus she moved across the g-damn country, so it took her a little while longer, but I included a picture... two of my characters called Victorianne and Punk Rock Girl.
When I drew the picture, back in September or whatever, I looked at it, and I said to myself, Self, I said, These are the best pencils you've ever done. You will never do any better than this. You probably shouldn't even try. Scan it, make a copy of it, make sure there's proof, because these are the best pencils you've ever done, your peak, and it's all back downhill from here.
So, I sent everything and told'er, These are my best pencils ever, and she neglected to ink'em, saying that if they were gonna be f'ed up by anybody, I had better f-'em up myself. So I inked'em myself.
With about six different pens and different line widths, after about an hour and a half of inking... fast for as much detail as I tried to put into it... I was done. I picked it up and looked at it and I said to myself, Self, I said, These are the best inks you've ever done. You will never do any better than this. You probably shouldn't even try. Scan it, make a copy of it, make sure there's proof, because these are the best inks you've ever done, your peak, and it's all back downhill from here.
So I did. And I thought about just pretty much giving up on comics an' everything, just drawing as a hobby, I mean, it is friggin' expensive man. I'm disabled, already on welfare, how the hell did I expect to self publish anything? Can't get a loan, no one will give a grant, I get great advice from some truly AWESOME people who I can't thank enough, but I land in the gutter every time.
Then I remembered a quote from Mao Tse Tung. "The need to shit after eating does not mean that eating is a waste of time."
*sigh* . . . Yeah. I gotta pick myself up by the bootstraps and go try and eat, even if I have to shit afterwards.
I hope everyone gets that metaphor.