It'd be called The Awesome Machine. It would do anything I wanted it to, and when it was done, I'd say, That's awesome!
And only I could have one. And you'd have to either pay to borrow it, or do me really special favors.
At the moment... The Awesome Machine would be connected to my computer, and it would run a program similar to Paint Shop Pro (since I already know how to use it) and what that program would do... it would automatically measure and draw layers for panels on my comic pages. Then it'd magically take my art and put it into the right panels. Then of course I could put in a new layer for grayscale or screentone or action lines and patterns for backgrounds. Then, it would print it all out.
Oh yeah, they DO make those programs. A lot of those programs. Just most of'em not in the same packages. And it sure loses it's human element. Because, sure! The pics I scan and color on the computer look cool as hell, especially when I paste'em onto a neat background. But even if you're doing your drawings, your art with a tablet... if you make all your details and corrections with a photo shop program and not actually... drawing? Well then your comic has lost it's human element. And that's not awesome.
I hate to say that, because I know it's how most of my favorite webcomics produce their work. I hate to rip on'em.
. . . I'm pretty much just bitching because I'm up at six AM working my ass off trying to finish this comic and doing it all by hand and I got into a ranty mood. No offense to anyone who does everything digital.