But, as the Chaos and Anarchy in this Uncontrollable World changes events at random to make things better or worse for a minute and then flow back into a semblance of a "pattern," a good thing or two happened.
My friend Chewy sent back the art I sent her in... October? We exchanged pencils for the other one to ink. After my divorce, I inked the hell out of her drawings, because I had to have something to do. I sent her a much bigger package (heh heh heh... "bigger package"), plus she moved across the g-damn country, so it took her a little while longer, but I included a picture... two of my characters called Victorianne and Punk Rock Girl.
When I drew the picture, back in September or whatever, I looked at it, and I said to myself, Self, I said, These are the best pencils you've ever done. You will never do any better than this. You probably shouldn't even try. Scan it, make a copy of it, make sure there's proof, because these are the best pencils you've ever done, your peak, and it's all back downhill from here.
So, I sent everything and told'er, These are my best pencils ever, and she neglected to ink'em, saying that if they were gonna be f'ed up by anybody, I had better f-'em up myself. So I inked'em myself.
With about six different pens and different line widths, after about an hour and a half of inking... fast for as much detail as I tried to put into it... I was done. I picked it up and looked at it and I said to myself, Self, I said, These are the best inks you've ever done. You will never do any better than this. You probably shouldn't even try. Scan it, make a copy of it, make sure there's proof, because these are the best inks you've ever done, your peak, and it's all back downhill from here.
So I did. And I thought about just pretty much giving up on comics an' everything, just drawing as a hobby, I mean, it is friggin' expensive man. I'm disabled, already on welfare, how the hell did I expect to self publish anything? Can't get a loan, no one will give a grant, I get great advice from some truly AWESOME people who I can't thank enough, but I land in the gutter every time.
Then I remembered a quote from Mao Tse Tung. "The need to shit after eating does not mean that eating is a waste of time."
*sigh* . . . Yeah. I gotta pick myself up by the bootstraps and go try and eat, even if I have to shit afterwards.
I hope everyone gets that metaphor.
2 comments:
Hey, Shaun "the Weezel" Burnett!
I hope you don't mind, I resized your stuff, for ease of viewing. Click the images to enlarge to an enjoyably non-giant size.
You got a divorce?! . . . You're disabled?! . . . I don't understand the quote or the metaphor. But hey, nice work, it's good to know you're alive, and thanks for visiting and posting. :)
I appreciate the re-size, I didn't realize they were so big until it was too late and I was leaving for the night.
And yeah, I have debilitating epilepsy, I'm not legally allowed to drive, I'm stuck here in Tuscaloosa, my wife left me in November... I've only recently been able to past that... I've been TRYING to work on my comics again and one or two other Cartooneestas have offered advice which always helpful.
Heh, the metaphor was just that I've gotta keep doin' what I love even if I fail sometimes.
I really wish I could come to a Slam once in a while, it'd be rad. In the meanwhile, thanks for the help and the praise.
Rock On and Keep Rockin'
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